Congratulations! You’ve been chosen as the Best Man–well, obviously because you are the best man–or perhaps as a groomsman, an acknowledgement that you’re one of the groom’s inner circle of trusted friends. And you’ll look great in that tux and be a hit with the bridesmaids. In working with groomsmen, I’ve found that they are generally glad to lend a hand in tinkering with the sound system, helping move tables if needed, and trundling ceremony chairs good-naturedly to the dining area after the I-Do’s.
But there’s a price for glory. If you’re the Best Man, you may be tasked with holding onto the rings until they get tied to the Ring Bearer’s pillow or requested by the Officiant, and will be expected to begin the “official” reception festivities by offering the first toast to the new couple.
On the practical side, you might be asked to send one of the groomsmen out for large numbers of bags of ice in the last hour before the wedding, if the event is held at a non-restaurant facility, and to check back later with the bartender to see if a second run needs to be made.
It will also be your role to act as a kind of “team captain” for the groomsmen, heading up the planning for the Bachelor Party, and reminding them of dates for tux fittings and pickups (be sure they try them on after alteration, when picking them up)–and, unfortunately, the need to keep an eye on their behavior once you’ve arrived at the venue*.
*Sad to say, but while as a whole, grooms’ attendants tend to be happy to pitch in and help, sometimes they do need a quick review on Manners 101. Of particular note:
• Sometimes friends have to let friends marry people that they don’t like. The time and place for demonstrating this is not at their wedding. Please be prepared to be personable to the bride, her wedding party, family, and polite to all guests.
• This shouldn’t need to be said, but I’m afraid it does: if you find yourself paired up for a trip down the aisle with a less-attractive bridesmaid, please refrain from any back-room comments or eye-rolling (you just don’t know who’s behind you, maybe her dad–does he need to be sick at heart because his daughter inherited his nose?), and please walk the lady down the aisle with pride and a pleasant look on your face.
• Understand that this wedding is running on a schedule; certain things, such as photography, only have a small window of time. Please be cooperative at all times with the photographer(s) and don’t allow your sense of camaraderie–which is a good thing, and a joy to see–to verge into the Animal House range. I attended a wedding where no formal photo of the groomsmen was possible because they would not stop making faces and gestures in the photos (these were all full grown men with children of their own, not teenagers). When asked by the photographer to cooperate, they began to heckle him. Their assigned time having been wasted, the photographer moved on to spend his professional time with other subjects.
• Understand that this is not a frat party, and is not going to be one, even after the ceremony is over and the bar opens. At every wedding there will be a few guests who’ve had one too many–but sloppy-drunk groomsmen are an embarrassment and can even interfere with events–such as a wedding I attended where a hefty, hammered groomsman repeatedly jumped off a stage, amused to be causing the CD for one of the official dances to skip. (Note to planners: if no D.J., use laptops, not CD players.)
• If you’re due for a haircut, please get it now instead of next week. Shave appropriately.
Remember that just as it’s an honor to be asked to participate in your friend’s wedding, you reciprocate that honor by showing up well-groomed and having your behavior reflect well on the groom and his family.
01.09.09
