The most popular (and optimal) time for a bachelorette party is the weekend prior to the wedding. The bachelorette party is a relatively new wedding tradition, in keeping with the fact that modern women are just as likely to want a final ‘single night out’ as their male counterparts have been doing forever. Bachelor parties used to be held the night before the wedding, which would work in nicely right after the rehearsal dinner, except for one thing: human nature. Boys will be boys, and gals will be gals, and unless everyone is a teetotaler and can be counted upon to walk away from an opportunity for a fun time with old friends at a sensible hour, the night before is pretty universally frowned upon as A Bad Idea.
Still, tradition holds that it should be close to the wedding, hence the great popularity of the weekend before the Big Event–or even the weekend before that, especially if the bachelorette party is going to be a pretty big event in itself, such as a weekend in Vegas.
If there is a reason why the bachelorette revelry can’t be held within a couple of weeks prior to the wedding, such as the bride’s very best friend flying in the day before the wedding, then tone things WAY down and plan a fun but not overlong lingerie shower for her right after the Rehearsal Dinner breaks up the night before the wedding.
Similarly, if there is a good reason that having it sooner is the only time it works, go for it: I know one bride with 4 out of 6 bridesmaids having to fly in for a wedding in August, but they were also all flying in for Father’s Day weekend in June. They seized the opportunity and had the best time ever, even if some of them were a little the worse for wear on Father’s Day. The bride’s in-town friends were just as happy to celebrate whenever it could be done to make the bride the happiest.
Then again, some brides don’t drink. Some, whether they drink or not, would prefer not to be the center of attention at a club or cocktail lounge. Even if the bride’s circle of close friends are a little disappointed, do consider the bride’s feelings on the subject. If she truly doesn’t want to go out on the town, there are other ways to make a fun bachelorette-esque celebration of the end of her singlehood.
One way is the more British custom of a ‘hens’ night.’ This is a girlfriends’ gathering with plenty of tasty food and girly-looking cocktails or ‘mocktails’ (bring on the paper umbrellas and flamboyant fruit garnish; give the blender a workout), reminiscing and catching up on gossip. Wedding-themed videos are a great backdrop: suggested titles are My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Father of the Bride, etc. Since you’re at home you can talk right through them. You could have a prize for the first one to cry over something sentimental (a really nice tissue-holder, already filled with tissue). You can run them end to end and even make it a throwback to much earlier years by making it a slumber party. Between movies, try a gooey green peel-off facial masque on everyone (great photo-ops!), or pick up dollar-store foam toe-separators (or cotton balls) and ridiculous polish colors and everyone paint their toenails–or someone else’s! (Again, great fun and great pictures).
Another idea, if the bride prefers not go out for a bachelorette party, is to use the “standard” night–the weekend before the wedding–for a larger-scale lingerie shower. Use a sexy theme by asking people to WEAR lingerie to the shower (which will presumably be in someone’s home)–you’ll get people in everything from P.J.’s to slinky nighties and robes, to boxer shorts and t-shirts, and maybe one daring person in a slip. Provide great food and drink, dim the lights and put on cocktail music. The best-ever lingerie shower game (though certainly not the cheapest) is to buy several large sets of kids’ coloring markers, pieces of cardboard about 10” X 18” (or you can pick up cake decorating boards at Wal-Mart or a party store) and enough inexpensive multi-packs of way-oversized cotton panties (think Wal-Mart or K-Mart) so that every guest will have a pair (if your bride is a larger gal, get ridiculously small ones–the idea is to have them ridiculous). Using the cardboard as lap desks, ask each guest to design/ decorate a pair of panties for the new bride. When everyone is finished, it’s showtime; take a vote and offer prizes for the most artistic and the funniest. Not only will the bride have a fun, festive get-together, she’ll come away with some nice new lingerie surprises for her honeymoon–and all those ridiculous panties to laugh over with the groom.
Go bowling! Many bowling alleys serve food and drink–or go out for a nice-but-casual dinner together first, perhaps Chinese or Mexican–and this can be a fun night, complete with the bachelorette veil and other fun party-store bachelorette trappings.
So–yes, there is “kind of” a right time to have a bachelorette party. But every set of circumstances is different, and can make what’s right, whether it be the time or the type of party, the right time for you. And since Grandma won’t be invited, there won’t be anybody to throw a book of etiquette at you, either.
02.20.09
