When you honor a friend or relative by asking them to be a bridesmaid, you’re not just giving them that honor–you’re also handing them a bundle of responsibilities. They shouldn’t accept one without acknowledging the other.
These are your closest friends. You may have been in one or more of their weddings. Everybody knows that the bridesmaids take the lead in planning your bachelorette party, and that the Maid of Honor holds your bouquet at the altar. But there’s a little more to it than that.
More and more, however, bridesmaids seem to expect some of the bridal “royal treatment” themselves. They expect the manicure and pedicure session. They pull never-pressed gowns out of garment bags and are amazed at the wrinkles–and even more amazed if they haven’t bothered to try it on for six months and now it won’t zip up, or they forgot they needed to get that broken zipper fixed. They don’t show up in time to help out with anything because they’re out having their makeup done (tip: let the bride have the professional makeup–it’s her day to shine, not yours; show up in plenty of time to make yourself useful before you put on your gown).
When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you are very literally agreeing to be the bride’s maid–or servant–for that day. There are so many details being juggled at a typical wedding that nobody can predict which one will require additional attention or tweaking, what small but critical errand may need to be run (“you left your veil at the beauty salon?”), or where additional hands will be needed for decorating or set-up. One of the most commonly-overlooked things in wedding-day planning is “half-time” sustenance. A bridesmaid might offer to bring (or run out for) a quick sackful of generic burgers–because nobody is going to be better-served by having people hungry AND nervous. The main job of every wedding attendant is to be ready and willing to do whatever it takes to make this wedding the best it can be.
Everybody has heard about Bridezillas–and emotions are so taut by the time the wedding day arrives that there’s bound to be a little Bridezilla in every bride. It simply has to be overlooked or smoothed over, and having the bridesmaids close by can give a nervous bride reassurance or an opportunity to harmlessly vent–or to break the tension by sharing a good laugh. But they don’t own the bride.
Sometimes in attaching themselves at the hip to the bride, if the bride’s mother would like a few minutes alone with her, she’s made to feel like she’s interrupting a private party. This also means the bridesmaids are NOT out and about in the venue, asking if there’s something they could help with. Even if the answer is “no,” they should ask. Simply being an extra pair of eyes can be a big help: is there anything missing (like candles on a fireplace mantel, etc.) that have been forgotten in the backseat of someone’s car? Maybe time is running out and the Candy Buffet hasn’t been set up. Is the guest book and pen set out? Is the Unity Candle in place? Do the flower arrangements need to be moved back to allow room for the wedding party to stand? Have the Officiant and bartender shown up? If not, do they need to be called?
Bridesmaids need to put their own egos aside and work as the team that that they’re supposed to be–to support the bride and act proactively (offer help, don’t wait to be asked) as a safety net to lend a hand anywhere to assure that the wedding and reception run smoothly. She’s one of your closest friends, and this is what she’s asked you to do in giving you this honor. So give of yourself, so that when you make your way up and down the aisle (very brief moments, you’ll find) you’ll know you’ve earned your place in that lineup, and can offer eye contact and a warm smile to guests. Because after their second drink, every one of them is going to be asking YOU where the bathroom is.
01.09.09
