The strictly traditional duties of the Maid or Matron of Honor in a wedding party, are to:
• help bride with shopping and wedding planning as necessary
• help bride address wedding invitations (although sometimes the bride’s mother will do so)
• help bride record wedding gifts and their senders as received
• pay for her own wedding attire, of the bride’s choosing, as will all bridesmaids
• give a wedding shower for the bride
• if bride is unable to do so, plans the bridesmaids’ tea, brunch, or luncheon on her behalf
• be on-hand during photography to be sure the bride’s gown, hair, etc. are picture-perfect
• be the last to precede the bride up the aisle (except for a flower girl, if any)
• bring the groom’s ring to the wedding, and hand it to bride during ceremony (if no ring bearer)
• hold bride’s bouquet during ceremony
• arrange bride’s veil and/or train of dress as necessary during ceremony
• stand in receiving line if so requested
• act as official witness by signing the wedding certificate
Since today’s weddings come in many varieties, many of which include preparation for the event itself by the bride’s family and friends, the honor attendant should also expect to:
• act as “lead” to other bridesmaids, such as coordinating dress fittings and communicating with them to be sure everyone has picked up their dresses, that they have been altered as needed and fit appropriately AND that they will be pressed and ready to wear when they arrive at the ceremony
• head up the planning of the bachelorette party or hen night
• help with pre-wedding preparations as needed, and encourage other bridesmaids to help out, as well
Another factor that is more and more common, is the fact that our closest, life-long friends are no longer so physically close–they may not live in the same city or even the same time zone. This should in no way stand as an obstacle in the selection (or acceptance) of participating as an honor attendant, provided the cost of transportation can be met by either the prospective Maid/Matron of Honor, the bride, or shared by both.
If this is the case, and will mean that the honor attendant will not arrive until very shortly before the wedding, the other bridesmaids will undoubtedly be happy to pitch in for delegation of any duties (such as hosting a shower or planning the bachelorette party) that must take place before her arrival.
More and more often, despite the best of intentions, the tea or luncheon that the bride should give, and would probably like to give, to show her gratitude for the multitude of favors, small and large, that her wedding party has done for her as the wedding approaches, simply doesn’t happen anymore since most women work, leaving only weekend days, which become very booked up with showers, etc., as the day grows close. The “bridesmaids’ tea” is teetering on the brink of extinction.
The most important thing that an honor attendant owes the bride, is honest happiness and excitement for the bride at this special time for her, an ear to let her vent just between the two of you when emotions get the better of her, and a willingness to pitch in and help.
The bride makes her selection based on the assumption that this will be freely offered, and the honor of being selected is real–she IS going to need this support!
02.19.08
