So you said yes and now you are getting married. What exactly does that mean? Will you be whisked away on a white horse to live happily ever after? Will everything that was wrong with you before you got married be fixed when you say, "I do." If you think this is reality, then you are in for a big disappointment.
I am an officiant and have the privilege of performing marriage ceremonies. Also, I have the privilege of counseling couples. Marriage can be a wonderful union if it is approached realistically rather than as a fairy tale.
Our society is satiated with movies and lovesongs that totally portray love as a mystical experience. What a disappointment for couples when the reality of marriage comes to fruition. Marriage is technically a legal partnership. Then it expands into a spiritual union. This commitment in Western society is comprised of two people committing to sharing their life with each other.
It means they will share finances, family, and responsibility. They take a pledge to be faithful to each other until death do they part. Yet, it seems as though when they reach a bump in the road, perhaps they should bail out. When talking to couples who are experiencing marital difficulties, the most common complaint is, "I am not getting my needs met."
This has led me to believe that this thing called marriage needs to be examined. What if each partner treated the other as though he or she is the most important person in the other’s life? What if one of them took the lead and decided to choose kindness over rightness regardless of the situation? What if the only thing he or she did was to think about the other with no strings attached?
When counseling a couple, one usually says, "Why should I do that when he never does anything nice for me?" We do it because we want a good relationship. If you want a better spouse, be a better spouse. That is truly how life works. This is not only true in marriage, but in work and friendships. Partnerships are constantly changing.
In my wedding services I say, "You are just beginning the relationshipping process. Relationships are stagnant. Relationshipping is the art of joyful living." What I mean by this is that our relationships are a moving state. If we have a relationship and it stays the same, it will not last.
Being married is a choice. It is like a garden. It constantly needs tending and caring. It needs to have the weeds pulled and be fertilized. It must be watered. And no matter what, it must be cared for daily.
Being married is the most revered partnership. It is a profound spiritual connection between two people as well as legal partnership. It is an opportunity to grow and mature and write your very own book. Love is a decision that must be chosen daily. Hopefully the couple will choose kindness over rightness so that one day when they reach the very last page, the one that says, "The End," they can smile at each other and say what a beautiful love story.
