Why is it that so many people are unhappy? They are unhappy in their jobs. They are unhappy in their marriages. They have problems with their friends. Basically, many are not happy with anything in their lives.
How do we know this? It is quite simple. Look at the divorce rate. Look at the many and numerous job changes. And the most important telltale sign, is the amount of drug use, both prescription and illegal. What are these symptoms of our society telling us?
There seems to be a general malaise facing America, as well as the rest of the world. People have more money and more "stuff" now than in any other time in the history of humanity. Yet, the more they acquire, the more they desire. What is it that is causing our society so much unhappiness?
One thing in particular comes to mind. When speaking to most people who are very unhappy about a situation, you will find them telling a story about another. An example would be a husband and wife. Let us assume there is a problem in a marriage. If you speak to the husband, he will tell you everything that is wrong with his wife that is causing him to be unhappy. If you speak to the wife, she will tell you all the things her husband does that causes her to be unhappy. It is not uncommon to hear one or both say, "If only he/she would change, I would be happy."
The same situation occurs between students and teachers, employees and employers, ministers and boards, parents and children and all other relationships. Something is always wrong with the other person. It is even more flagrant in politics. It is always the fault of the party which you do not belong to! Is there anything we can do with this paradigm?
There is, and it is really simple. However, it is really not easy. To change this perception, one must be willing to give up all sense of being right. The only way to move about in complete freedom in this world, is to simply know, ‘I am always wrong. Only I need to change."
This is quite a pill to swallow in our very "me-oriented" society. We are told as mothers it is imperative to praise our children and assist them in establishing high self-esteem. As adults, it is important to our view of ourselves to be correct and let others know how right we are. We risk everything just in order to be right. Ultimately, what does it even mean to be right? It is simply your opinion versus mine!
What does it possibly mean to know I am always wrong and it is only me that needs to change? It simply means that when I am uncomfortable in my relationships, it is my perception that is causing me to feel wronged. I am taking things personally and this causes me great distress. If I could begin to see that each of us on this planet is simply living out his or her individual journey, not even thinking about me, I would have a different picture.
Let us look at an example. Perhaps there is a person in your life that always seems to react to you abruptly. If you could know that person would respond to anyone that had your characteristics or position exactly the same as he/she is responding to you, would you feel the same way about it? This is what is meant by not taking it personally. Think about the many times you may have responded to someone in a way that was misconstrued. Did you do it deliberately or were you just being you?
When issues occur our first thought is, "if only he had not done that, I would feel OK." Let us take a new perspective. What if when an unpleasant situation occurs? I ask myself, "What is my part in this? How can I view it differently? Do I have to let it affect me? Was it personally targeted at me? If so, how must he or she be feeling to behave like this?" This is really a very simple shift. Yet, it is one of the most difficult things to accomplish. However, this simple little secret unlocks a life of pleasure and freedom.
How long do you think it would take for all the people and situations in your life to change so they suit you? Do you even think there is a possibility that this could even occur? Now ask yourself if there is any chance of you changing so that you can re-frame how you see the situations in your life? It is just a matter of saying, "I was wrong about how I perceived that situation." In doing this, you give yourself the gift of happiness.
Our lives on this planet are really quite short. One has to decide if it is more important to be right or kind. This is a choice each of us is confronted with. We do not get to choose our situations. However, we can choose how we react to them!
