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Why male / female friendships work well


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It has been a hotly debated topic about whether men and women can be friends.    Most stuff that I have seen written about this stuff says there is absolutely no way that a straight man and a straight woman can be friends without the sex getting in the way.  Well this article is just my own opinion experience and not any scientific fact or research so please feel free to get involved and let me know your views on the matter.

So can men and women be friends?  Without the whole ‘when Harry met Sally’ dramatics?  I say without a shadow of a doubt, yes they can. I mean it would be stupid to deny that sexual attraction/tension can make its presence felt sometimes without warning.  However it is somewhat deluded and a little insulting to think that IT is only reason that sexually available memebers of the opposite sex interact. For me, that is definitely not the case.  I have a lot of guy friends, I mean a LOT!  It isn’t something that I set out to do, it just happened.  Don’t get me wrong, two of my closest friends are girls but I also have a few close male friends who are (gasp!) straight, single (yep) and (this will knock your socks off) very good looking and yet the closest thing that we have got to sexual tension is….well….it nothing really.  I would like to point out here that I am straight and have a huge appreciation for the male kind - they can be funny, wierd and complex but would I want a world without them? Heck no…anyway I digress….

The reason I like hanging out with guys is that there are very few girls who are into sport like I am especially where I am…I adore sports especially soccer, athletics, tennis, boxercise and going to the gym. I like my girlie movies but  I REALLY like action movies like the Bourne series, Gladiator (and yes, Russell Crowe in a skirt was an added bonus to what is a truly excellent film), the Mummy series etc.   So how many girls could I invite over for a night in?  Errrr…none.  So I found myself chatting to the guys and from there form friendships.  Guys found it cool that a girl was into what they were into and I found a group of people who I could spend time with and with whom I had a lot in common.  The fact that they were men didn’t really enter into the equation.  I am still in touch with many of them and not once has there been THAT awkward moment. 

So yes, I think men and women can be friends.  Why? Because for the perhaps the first time in history, men and women (in our society) can be educated equally, they are settling down later and hence they are showing that they can form and maintain strong and close friendships.  Friends are seen as "the new family" (this I think is debatable but hey….) and it would be odd if this was divided along purely sexual lines.

Guys as friends, offer I believe a point of view that a girl wouldn’t.  In a crisis, girlfriends will be there with the sympathy, the chocolate, the ice cream to emotionally and painstakingly go through it with you.  A guy would patiently listen, probably agree with you and then shrug his shoulders and say "well thats life." Personally, it is an attitude, that we girlies could benefit from sometimes.

It is true that men and women are very very different not just physically but emotionally and psycologically but it is these differences that make friendships between the opposite sexes work.  I do not believe it is necessarily the precursor to flirtation/sex/marriage but as Catherine Jarvie said on www.handbag.com, it is a "a healthy, knock-about meeting of two minds, whatever sex those grey cells may be." And on that note, I hope that this argument is finally put to bed…pardon the pun.

Take care and God Bless readers…


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Ngozi Nwabineli
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Comments & Questions
Jerry Walch  Site Editor - 302 Factoids | + 843 votes

Good morning Ngozi. Different strokes for different folk, pardon the pun :-). I have always had more female friends then I have had male friends. My wife would say that that's because most men feel threatened by me because I have done all the things that most men only dream of doing, things like racing stock cars, being involved in the martial arts, jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, etc. Happily married women, divorced women, single women, I have friends among all of them. Personally I feel that the opposite sex makes for great friendships. I have a few close male friends that I spend a lot of time camping, hiking, hunting and fishing with but the majority of the friends I enjoy spending time with are female.
posted 6 months ago
Kevin Leland  Moderator: Fitness - 171 Factoids | + 754 votes

Outstanding point of view! I think you just made a friend out of every guy on the planet with this excellent factoid, Ngozi! My best friend growing up was a girl. Same with my youngest son. I'm with you all the way, pardon the pun :-) on this one, you and Jerry got it right! -God bless you!
posted 6 months ago
Ngozi Nwabineli  Moderator: Business - 110 Factoids | + 464 votes

Thanks Jerry and Kev for your comments and your votes! You guys rock! I wanted to hear what guys would say about it...do you think this changes the older one gets? I wouldn't mind hearing from the lovely factoidz ladies on this as well...
posted 6 months ago
Jerry Walch  Site Editor - 302 Factoids | + 843 votes

Age never was a factor in the equation for me, Ngozi, but I can see how it might be for younger guys, guys that are still in high school or college. I think it has more to do with how the guy perceives women. To consider someone a friend, especially a close friend, you have to consider that person your equal in every respect and many guys have a problem considering any woman their equal. I think that it also has a great deal to do with how secure the guy feels with his own self image and with his feelings of masculinity. I think that many guys are afraid to let it all hang out, if you'll forgive the pun, with women for fear of looking weak in their eyes. It's probably easier for women to accept men as close friends then it is for men because women have never had to fear looking weak in a mans eyes.
posted 6 months ago
Ngozi Nwabineli  Moderator: Business - 110 Factoids | + 464 votes

Jerry thanks for that, I never thought of it like that. I suppose men (just like us ladies) are complex creatures and pardoxically its the differences that makes these types of friendships work..
posted 6 months ago
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